Congrats to everyone who had that in their office pool.
But what I need to get off my chest is the unspeakable horror unleashed upon me during this visit. Sheer agony that, I might add, my parents seemed 100% complicit in and which was administered by a masochist disguised as a kindly nurse.
Imagine for a moment you're fast asleep in your mother's arms.
Go ahead...I can wait...
It's nap time....
...you're dreaming about all the best things in life (ceiling fans, your Aunt Joy, etc.).....
SOMEONE JABS A SHARP PIECE OF METAL INTO YOUR LEG!!!!
What the--!
Now you're freaking out....your mom's starting to cry a little bit too...you want to get the heck out of there ASAP but instead both parents are comforting you, saying through clenched teeth that it's going to be OK.
So you believe them.
Whatever that was may have hurt worse than when dad sometimes forgets to unsnap the neck of certain onesies before yanking them over your head -- practically peeling your scalp off in the process -- but it's over now. Your mom and dad are on the case. You've got all the protection you need-
METAL IN THE LEG!!! METAL IN LEG AGAIN!!!! YEEEOOOOOWWWW!!!!
Yo....parents! Clearly I'm not enjoying this! How many more decibels do you need? I don't know what this nurse's deal is but clearly she needs a bath or a bottle or something before somebody gets hurt. I'll even lend my binky if you think that'll help-
HOLY---!!! THE OTHER LEG TOO???!!!! WHYYYY MEEEE??!!!!
What is happening? Is this because I've put on a little weight? The doctor said I was in the right percentile. Isn't that a good thing?
And just like that....it was over.
Somehow I made it. I persevered.
As soon as all foreign objects were removed from my body and stayed away, I was done crying. I wasn't going to let that nurse think she'd broken me. You'll get no such satisfaction from this 1/6th year-old! Go find some other shrieker to scare every kid in that waiting room.
I kept a brave face. Punsters like my grampa might say I willed my way through the pain. But between us...inside I was like this:
Maybe that's a good thing. The world beyond my bouncy seat can be a tough place.
But how am I supposed to know who to trust?
What's more important? Protection against the whooping cough or faith in my fellow man?
Sadly, this is just the beginning, Will.
ReplyDeleteOh, my poor baby :( You just need to make it to your 18 month well check... then NO MORE UNTIL YOU ARE 3!!!!! Or maybe it's 4 ... I can't remember!
ReplyDeleteOh, Will, that picture breaks my heart!
ReplyDeleteGreat Grandma W.