Red Man

So I'm three weeks old and I've already been to the doctor three times.  Is this normal?  And that's not even counting my first 48 hours on earth in the hospital.  First they had to double check I didn't have jaundice, then just generally make sure things were working properly.  I don't want to seem like a hypochondriac but what's up with all these 'check ups'?  If something's wrong I wish someone would just tell me.
 

And each time it's the same.  The whole getting naked, bright light in the eyeballs...to say nothing of the copays, parking lot fees, etc.  It's quite a racket.  And I have a whole 'nother round of it coming up next month too.

Most troubling is the weight issue.  Maybe it's too soon for me to be developing lifelong body image issues but I like to think I'm ahead of the game developmentally.  Here are the facts: I was 7lbs when born.  A few days ago the doctor's freezing steel scale had me at 8lbs, 11oz.  Of course I don't understand what that means -- I'm more of a metric system guy -- but it feels like I'm headed in the absolute wrong direction weightwise.  And swimsuit season is going to be here before we know it.  In California where I live it's all about shedding pounds.  But I appear to be on a crash course with double digits.  Think about that...I could seriously weigh 10 pounds someday!  

Maybe it's all muscle mass but I have my doubts.  I mean, I'm doing tummy time what....five minutes a day (if that)?  I got this little mirror hanging over my Fisher Price swing and though I can't totally fix my gaze just yet the other day I swore I saw I double chin.

Not good.  Does the Shake Weight come in a 0-3 month version?

The problem is get so mad when I'm hungry.  Just completely lose it.  There's a beast lurking within me that my parents call 'Red Man'.  He looks a lot like this:
 

 
Red Man comes out of nowhere.  He lets people know I not only need to eat, but eat NOW!  Red Man does not take no for an answer.  He doesn't even take 'just one minute, I'm fixing a bottle' for an answer.  Red Man keeps the ear-splitting cacophony going until milky goodness is headed straight down my esophagus.  He really lights a fire under my folks, especially at night when one of them is trying to sleep.  

I love the guy but lately I'm wondering if it would even matter to Red Man if I was eating too much.  Something tells me Red Man does not concern himself with any potential downsides of wanton consumption.  Wish there was a way to communicate with the guy but between the convulsing and his jaguar-shrill shrieks it's hard to get a word in edgewise.  

Here's hoping Red Man at least burns a few calories during his eruptions.