Yesterday's News

Well folks, I had a good run.  It's been a blast but my rookie status had to end sometime.

The world, America, and Traverse City, Michigan added one person last Saturday.  My cousin Weston.

I have to agree with Mama who, upon seeing these photos at 2am, shouted "Oh my GOODNESS he's so cute!"

Seeing him all bundled up like that reminds me a bit of myself at his age.  So innocent.  Full of nothing but potential and the potential for jaundice.

But of course Weston's emergence means my days as The New Guy have come to an abrupt close.  In the back of your mind you always know the day is coming, but when it finally arrives it tends to catch you off guard.  Now just like that I've become little more than one of those weird older cousins he'll be seated with on holidays and who try to talk him into doing things like this:

You know what they say, that youth is wasted on the young.  Frankly I tried to squeeze every last drop out of my weeks on top.  (And by 'on top' of course I mean on bottom.)  Still I can't help but feel I may have squandered, say, an opportunity to spit up every now and then.  But that's a young man's racket.  And I certainly don't intend to cling to yesterday while the sands of time shift beneath my supine torso.

Of course that doesn't make it any easier to step beyond the only life you've ever known.  But I face my new reality with a sense of optimism and a head that can almost support itself.

Besides, I've been looking forward to showing somebody the ropes. So when I have the extreme pleasure of meeting Weston in person a few weeks from now I'm holding nothing back, opening up my entire body of work: Red Man, Jaguar, the aggressive wake up squirm which removes most of the hair from the back of your head, adorable smile with just the slightest hint of tongue extension, and even my latest and greatest....steadily increasing freakout whenever someone other than mom or dad is holding you.  

But he seems pretty advanced already.  I've only just gotten into grasping.  

Weston's been doing it since day one!

I am looking forward to finding out if I've missed anything in the womb lately.  Hard to believe I haven't been back in almost three months.

Anyway, welcome to the world 'Cuz Weston.  Can't wait to awkwardly pretend to "meet you" very soon as though either of us has any control over our arms yet.

Love,
Older Cousin Will

Finger Lickin' Good

Guess what I did yesterday!  I was playing with my dad's fingers...sometimes grasping, sometimes pulling, sometimes swatting them away.  You know, doing what I do to keep that guy guessing.

So then suddenly I get this bright idea: 

I'm totally gonna pull Dad's finger into my mouth!  

Don't know why that hadn't occurred to me before.  What a great way to explore!  Didn't taste particularly good...dry and cracked as if it belonged to a hand that, for example, had been washing bottles for almost three months.

But I can't help but feel as though I'm on to something here.


I leave you with an artistic shot of me very sad.  (Here in Hollywood it's important to demonstrate your full range of emotions.)

UPDATE: Unfurrowed

We interrupt your meandering journey through the internet with this Breaking News: 

My eyebrows have arrived!

HOW AWESOME IS THAT?!!

Thanks to everyone for the letters, prayers, and Rogaine.

Tickling The Ivories

When I sleep...

 

...when I dream....

...even sometimes when I'm awake....

 

There is no greater pianist.

Play Ball!

My Dad's been excited about my first Cardinal game since the day I was born.  By some miracle it was televised yesterday so we got to watch it.

I saw the supposed 'greatest team in the history of sports' cough up a lead -- one they were lucky to have given some earlier mental errors -- with 2 outs in the bottom of the 9th.  

I also witnessed the best baseball player of my lifetime ground into not one, not two, but THREE double plays.  He also popped out foul with a runner on third...the ultimate insult as far as I'm concerned. 

Not sure if I'm prepared to take on this level of aggravation.

Pricks

Went to the doctor yesterday.  Happy to report I'm coming in at 10lbs, 13oz and 21.5 inches in length.  

Congrats to everyone who had that in their office pool.

But what I need to get off my chest is the unspeakable horror unleashed upon me during this visit.  Sheer agony that, I might add, my parents seemed 100% complicit in and which was administered by a masochist disguised as a kindly nurse.

Imagine for a moment you're fast asleep in your mother's arms.  

Go ahead...I can wait... 

It's nap time.... 

...you're dreaming about all the best things in life (ceiling fans, your Aunt Joy, etc.).....

SOMEONE JABS A SHARP PIECE OF METAL INTO YOUR LEG!!!!

What the--!

Now you're freaking out....your mom's starting to cry a little bit too...you want to get the heck out of there ASAP but instead both parents are comforting you, saying through clenched teeth that it's going to be OK. 

So you believe them. 

Whatever that was may have hurt worse than when dad sometimes forgets to unsnap the neck of certain onesies before yanking them over your head -- practically peeling your scalp off in the process -- but it's over now.  Your mom and dad are on the case.  You've got all the protection you need-

METAL IN THE LEG!!!  METAL IN LEG AGAIN!!!!  YEEEOOOOOWWWW!!!!

Yo....parents!  Clearly I'm not enjoying this!  How many more decibels do you need?  I don't know what this nurse's deal is but clearly she needs a bath or a bottle or something before somebody gets hurt.  I'll even lend my binky if you think that'll help-

HOLY---!!!  THE OTHER LEG TOO???!!!! WHYYYY MEEEE??!!!!

What is happening?  Is this because I've put on a little weight?  The doctor said I was in the right percentile.  Isn't that a good thing?

And just like that....it was over. 

Somehow I made it.  I persevered.   

As soon as all foreign objects were removed from my body and stayed away, I was done crying.  I wasn't going to let that nurse think she'd broken me.  You'll get no such satisfaction from this 1/6th year-old!  Go find some other shrieker to scare every kid in that waiting room. 

I kept a brave face.  Punsters like my grampa might say I willed my way through the pain.  But between us...inside I was like this:

A betrayal of this magnitude has a tendency to change you, to make you harder.  

Maybe that's a good thing. The world beyond my bouncy seat can be a tough place.

But how am I supposed to know who to trust?   

What's more important?  Protection against the whooping cough or faith in my fellow man?

Non Miracle on the Non Hudson

Do you know who likes American heroes and aviation legends?  

This guy.

Do you know who likes getting their picture taken with little babies?  

Pretty much everybody!

Now take a wild guess who totally dropped the ball when we walked right past Chesley "Sully" Sullenberger on the street yesterday in Santa Monica.  

Yep, this guy.

Otherwise you'd be seeing a picture like this.

And let's be honest, you just know Capt. Sullenberger would have taken me on a tour of a nearby cockpit.  (That's what pilots do, after all!)  So then there would have been something like this.

(You'll have to excuse my rudimentary Photoshop skills.  My doctor says those don't typically even develop until 6 months.)

After teaching me the finer points of landing a crippled jetliner into frigid waters, the Captain and I would have gone out for sullen burgers and shot the breeze.  Don't worry, even though I'm months and months away from eating solid food I would've found some way to keep it from being awkward.

Instead Dad just turns to Mom: "Hey, that was Sully Sullenberger."  Honestly, what kind of fool just leaves a celebrity alone in public?

If you said this guy, you are correct.

Use me, Dad.  I realize from time to time I can seem like a 24/7 obligation...a lifelong responsibility that, as an added bonus, also pees on you...but don't forget in certain situations I can also come in handy!